I know what you’re thinking—we’ve all heard of the secret military experiment decades ago where they tried to create a chemical agent that would turn enemy troops gay. The goal was to destroy the enemy’s ability to fight in the resulting chaos; but of course it didn’t work since gayness is innate and/or genetic.

So I did the next best thing: I replaced the poison gas the Oliot ordered with a powerful entactogenic drug that causes the subject to lose their inhibitions. The fact that a side effect is a huge increase in sex drive was just a bonus.

I even had my people rig up the gas canisters so that if tested they would initially emit the lethal variety. Of course I couldn’t let the Oliot have all the fun, so I convinced their enemies the Plutoch to buy the same ‘poison’ gas. I didn’t however imagine they’d bomb the Oliot with it so quickly.

I know you’re wondering why I wasn’t affected by the gas. I was, but the effect on me is not that strong since I don’t have any inhibitions to start with (or at least that’s what my ex-girlfriend always tells me). The Oliot on the other hand are a giant quivering mass of inhibition—not surprising seeing how ultra-conservative they all are. They couldn’t help but be completely overwhelmed by the drug. And it goes without saying any culture that uptight is filled with closet cases. I’m guessing half the officers in that tent were secretly gay, and the other half were so overpowered by the gas they were willing to get it on with anyone.

I did just find out that the drug’s effect, which was supposed to last only a few hours, still hasn’t completely worn off for some of the troops exposed to it.

Oops. My bad.